Its a very interesting thing, Motherhood. Its the ultimate battle of wills between selfishness and selflessness. I’ve been pondering this struggle over the past few nights as I, nursing my own cold, have been nursing Cailyn as she deals with her ear infection, up all night, crying, unconsolable, not wanting to be with anyone but Mommy.
Its an odd place to be…being a Mom. Being torn between equally strong desires to snuggle down in your own warm covers and sleep for 2 days and wanting desperately to do anything necessary to bring some measure of comfort to your child. And once they finally DO fall asleep in your arms after bouncing in the same spot and rythym for 2 hours, being torn between wanting to put them down as quickly and quietly as possible in order that you might get a few minutes sleep before they wake up and the whole process starts all over again, and wanting to hold them for another hour just to study and memorize every inch of their little face, feel their light breath on your cheek and listen to the deep, slow rythym of their breathing. Torn between knowing that each moment that passes is one you’ll never get back, so you try to savor every little second of infancy and toddlerhood and wishing away the hours until they’re “just a little bit older” and things will be easier….you can eat a hot meal…sleep a full night….
However, having watched my own mother, grandmothers, and mother-in-law, I’ve come to the realization that no matter how old your children, you still never quite sleep through the night (those motherly intuitions and promptings from the Holy Spirit to pray for your child in the middle of the night still wake you), you still never quite get a hot meal (my mom, mother-in-law, and my grandmother when she was still alive have no children at home and still manage to be the last one to sit down to eat, and the first one to leave their plate of food in order to serve someone else), and you never quite get “there”….there’s always another battle, another boo-boo, another worry. We’re in this for the long haul, and until we’re in the physical presence of the Lord, it seems He’s entrusted us with the nuture, care, and comfort of these wee dotes in his “absence” (however, the secret to surviving motherhood is to be constantly in His presence and the trick is teaching your children how to do the same!).
I only pray that I have the grace, strength, and quite honestly the fortitude to live up to the amazing examples of motherhood I’ve been given in my life. I’m sure I’ve said it before, and no doubt I’ll say it again, but today I can say I’ve never meant it so much – to Mom, and Cheryl: THANK YOU!!!